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Why Cook-it-Yourself Korean Barbecue is the Worst:

1. It’s 95% cooking your own food and 5% eating the food. Seriously. This is in contrast to regular restaurants, which are 0% cooking your own food and 100% eating your own food.
2. They have buttons on the end of their tables that you push to get the waiter’s attention. This is like the ones on airplanes that you push for the Flight Attendant’s attention. This button really has only one use: to annoy the waiter or flight attendant.
3. Your clothes and hair will smell like Korean Barbecue. By smell, I mean “be infused down to the root of the fibers with the scent of Korean Barbecue, to the extent where you must go home, wash all your clothes, take a shower with three times the normal amount of shampoo, and steam-cleam the inside of your car, which has absorbed the scent of Korean Barbecue from you.” Seriously. There is nothing you can do after Korean Barbecue but shower and laundry.
4. You’re never quite sure if your meat is finished cooking or not. You’re either going to have a sumptuous dinner of fresh beef and chicken or a really bad case of botulism-laced-with-salmonella.

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5. Your annoying friend will insist on 2/3rds of the grill to grill vegetables. Seriously. Even when you have two pounds of Angus beef queued up for cooking, she’ll start grilling brocolli and root vegetables.
6. They’re going to give you about 20 tiny plates of pickled vegetables. Oooh. If there’s a vegeatable out there, they’re going to pickle it, put it in a tiny plate, and give it to you. Yup.

This all (except #3 and #6) applies to Shabu-Shabu, too, by the way. Ta-di-la.

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